Tag: funny

Masseuse on a Mission

Have you ever had a massage that was so intense that the muscles in your stomach cramped up.

OMG

The woman almost had me begging to stop. I needed the massage for my back, but my stomach was protesting.

When she decided to climb on the table to get really into the muscle, I slammed my hand on the table giving the sign that you won. I give up. All athletes recognize that sign.

Maybe she never seen Wrestling or Mixed martial arts. There was no white flag to wave in surrender.

Then I heard it the buzzer saying our time is over and my body is my own to torture as I please.

I considered calling for help because I am pretty sure several bones snapped and normally that relieves some of the pain, I had a sneaky suspicion that my skeleton was not going to hold up my frame.

I was going to go down hard. Fine…I will survive. This is just my way of saying “I paid for this. Why am I complaining?”

Where the fuck did the Gs go? by Ambjr

where the fuck did the Gs go?

gone

just like that

no warnin

no explanation

like they woke up one mornin

and decided

fuck it…we’re out

they were here

and now

it’s just chaos

a bloody fuckin mess 

of half words and broken thoughts

like a riot in the goddamn dictionary

I don’t even know how it happened

they just bailed

no goodbye

no last fuckin look

just a ghost in the machine

sneakin out the back door

while I was busy tryin to write

what am I supposed to do with this?

ING without a G?

mess of letters

all scattered like pieces of a puzzle

I never asked to solve

the Gs just said 

fuck it

and now the whole damn thing’s upside down

it’s pure unfiltered anarchy

like some cosmic joke played out 

in typewriter ink

world’s lost its fuckin mind

and so have the letters

the Gs ain’t in line anymore

they’re free

wild

runnin with fuckin scissors

cuttin every word in half

leavin me in this mess

oh well…

I don’t give a fuck

let it burn

the chaos reign

Gs are gone

people are mad

b/c they gotta self edit

but the sentence doesn’t need to be pretty

doesn’t need to make sense

fuckin Gs just decided to dip

and now I’m here

watchin the clusterfuck unfold

I’m not cleanin it up tho

I’m not even sorry

the Gs are gone

and I’m better for it

(I want to thank Ambjr for allowing me to post his work on my platform.)

2 DOMINANTS 1 WILL HAVE TO SUBMIT

 

I’m on my way home
So what does that mean
Are you serious I’m on my way home
Yeah what does that mean
You agreed to be my sub
That’s what I agreed to in the club
I thought I was supposed to Dom you tonight
Let’s not turn this into a fight

Now listen don’t be a brat
Me be a brat
You agree to be my sub At the very least a switch
Alright, alright let’s get on with this

Take all your clothes off
Go in the middle of the bed
Put the blindfolds on
Hands behind your head

]Oh wait a minute this sounds like my execution
Are you trying to kill me tonight
The more you’re being combative
That may be your plight

I’ll get on the bed
Hands behind my back
I’ll kneel for you
There’s something this scene lacks

It lacks you with no clothes on
There’s something I must wear
Can we just get this on dawn
Well did you get it dear

At the side of the bed
There is a box
It was supposed to be a surprise but instead
You’re making me cross

In five more minutes
You will hear my car turn in the driveway
In five more minutes
You better present yourself the way I say
No more debates
No more words
You sealed your fate
You understood

Yes
Yes what?
Yes…. Master

Oralympics (poem)

Once you are told you are talented with your tongue
It makes you wonder who you have to take down
to become #1
The saying the darker the Berry the sweeter the juice
I say the depth you are buried
Make you cry out in sounds that are obtuse
I trained with the best of them
I’ve trained with the worst
With all this training
It never quenched my thirst
Some like it shallow
Some like it deep as fuck
Some like to watch
They all like to buck
For those you have just started
Here is a tip
Careful of the teeth
The back of your head they will grip
Looking for the gold
I see that line
I just need to get that one
At the finish line.

(Let me know you’re out there.)

IDEA (Poem)

 

There once was a paper and pen.

Let’s start this from the beginning.

And not the end.

There once was a thought in my head.

Not fully formed.

Just an idea that bled.

It grew into this thing.

It had no real shape

Just twists and turns

Multiple rings.

It wanted to be free.

To be read

To seen

Then the paper met the pen

Like a rooster sees a hen

It struts and puff

Catching the eye

With crossing t’s and dotted I’s.

That how this all began

With just one thought

There will never be

An end.